So I was asked to go out to Whitecourt last week for work to go "Spraying". I was somewhat excited. It would be tough to be without Ali, but it would be near Jasper and we would be put up in a hotel.
Today we had our orientation and readied the spray truck. The orientation was with Esso/Imperial Oil. As images from a National Geographic expose on Esso in Chad were running through my mind, we were being told that Esso had a great concern for the environment and safety, and that we should too. I was then given the MSDSs (Material Safety Data Sheets) for the chemicals we would be using to kill plant life near Esso's more remote properties. Monsanto produces both of these: Roundup and some other product that starts with a 'B'. We spray these from a truck wearing full body suits and full face masks. We look like something out of the X-files.
And it feels like the X-files. It breaks my heart. Unfortunately, I am committed as I said I would go for a week or two. This is before I knew it was work for Esso using Monsanto products. I feel Nauseous. I feel awful. I feel violated. I feel like a character out of Oryx and Crake.
You see, I have been thinking about many things lately. I was talking with friend about philosophy and direction in life. He said that wherever we picture ourselves being "ideally" is where we should aim for. I feel like for a long time I have been hiding from myself in some ways. Part of me has always been ashamed of being Buddhist. Somehow the stigma of the contemplative life here has worn on me, and I wish not to talk about it. But my reaction to this type of work, to the useless killing of plant life ... to the indirect support of repression through corporation ... it brings my values into question ... I feel like my decision here is an important one. But how to live a pure life? It is so frustrating! Sometimes I wish I could hide from it all.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
What you wanted was a couple of weeks of good, honest work. Sometimes when our own intentions are good and true we (perhaps naively) have faith that others' are as well. I think that assuming the best in people is ultimately a good thing even if it got you in trouble here.
I can relate to your situation Ryan with my experiences tree-planting. On the surface, it seemed to be a good thing, but it was part of something that was quite destructive and environmentally harmful. (worked for similar companies myself)
My advice is to give a little prayer for Mother Nature, appologize and continue with your work. You'll make plenty of environmental, political, philosophical amends in your life. Just don't let this experience darken you too much. As you know, sensitive, Buddhist, musicians (especially tenor players) are sometimes the darkest characters around...
Post a Comment